Cowboy

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender:
‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
‘Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy…. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five
times.’

Posted in Humor, Jokes

Delicate Corporate Matter

The Board of Directors of the Company were called in to the chairman’s office one by one until only Jerry, the junior member, was left sitting outside.
Finally it was his turn to be summoned.
He entered the office to find the chairman and the other eight directors seated around a table. He was invited to join them, which he did.
As soon as he had sat down the chairman turned to Jerry and asked, “Have you ever slept with Miss Foyt, my secretary?”
“No, certainly not” Jerry replied.
“Are you absolutely sure?” asked the chairman.
“Absolutely; I’ve never laid a hand on her.”
“You’d swear to that?”
“Yes, I swear I’ve never slept with your secretary.”

“Good. Then you fire her.”

Posted in Humor, Jokes

New Generation

Daughter: “Dad, I’m in love with a boy who is far away from me.
I am in Australia and he lives in the UK .
We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype
and now we’ve had two months of relationship through Viber.
Dad, I need your blessings and good wishes.”

Father: “Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal.
And if you are fed up with your husband….sell him on Ebay”.

Posted in Humor, Jokes

Treatment For Sunburn

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs.
He went to hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse was rather astounded and she asked “What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?”
The doctor replied, “Absolutely nothing for his condition, but it’ll keep the sheets off his legs!

Posted in Humor, Jokes

One Man’s Choice

After a long day of playing golf and looking around the local Bass Pro shop, a couple of my friends and I stopped in at “Hooter’s” for some Hot Wings and drinks.
After being there for a while one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.
I told them “the one who knows how to fix elevators.”
“I’m old, I’m tired, and I pee a lot.”

Posted in Humor, Jokes

Rabbi and Priest

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked,
“Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”

The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”
The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”
To which the rabbi replied,
“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, “Father, is it still a ‘requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”
The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith”
The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”
The priest replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith.”

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, and sat thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said,
“Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn’t it

Posted in Humor, Jokes, Life Secrets

Linguists

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.
In a recently held linguistic competition held in London and attended by supposedly the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand?
Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Here is his astute answer.
When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED, and when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!
He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old Scotch.

Posted in Humor, Life Secrets