When God Made Truck Drivers
When the Lord was creating Truck Drivers, he was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”
And the Lord said, “Have you read the spec on this order?”
“A truck driver has to be able to drive 10-12 or more hours per day, through any type of weather, on any type of road, know the highway traffic laws of 48 states and 10 provinces, he has to be ready and able to unload 40,000 lbs of cargo after driving thru the night, sleep in areas of cities and towns that the police refuse to patrol.”
“He has to be able to live in his truck 24 hours a day 7 days a week for weeks on end, offer first aid and motorist assistance to his fellow travelers, meet just in time schedules, and still maintain an even and controlled composure when all around him appear to have gone mad.”
“He has to be in top physical condition at all times, running on black coffee and half-eaten meals; he has to have six pairs of hands.”
The angel shook her head slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands… no way.”
It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” said the Lord, “it’s the three pairs of eyes a driver has to have.”
“That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel.
The Lord nodded.
“One pair that sees the herd of deer in the thickets 3 miles away”
“Another pair here in the side of his head for the blind spots that motorists love to hide in; and another pair of eyes here in front that can look reassuringly at the bleeding victim of a drunk driver that crashed into his ICC bumper at 70MPH and say, ‘You’ll be all right ma’am,’ when he knows it isn’t so.”
“Lord,” said the angel, touching his sleeve, “rest and work on this tomorrow.”
“I can’t,” said the Lord, “I already have a model that can drive 650 miles a day, without incident and can raise a family of five without ever seeing them, on 30 cents a mile.”
The angel circled the model of the truck driver very slowly, “Can it think?” ,she asked.
“You bet,” said the Lord. “It can tell you the elements of every HAZMAT load invented; recite Federal Motor Carrier Regulations rules and regs in its sleep; deliver, pickup, be a father, offer timely advice to strangers, search for missing children, defend a woman’s or children’s rights, get 8 hours of good rest on the street and raise a family of Law respecting citizens, without ever going home … and still it keeps its sense of humor. ”
“This driver also has phenomenal personal control.
He can deal with delivery and pickup areas created from scenes painted in hell, coax a lumper to actually work for his money, comfort an accident victim’s family, and then read in the daily paper how truck drivers are nothing more than killers on wheels and have no respect for the rights of others while using the nations highways, which are mostly paid for by truck taxes.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the driver.
“There’s a leak,” she pronounced.
“I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model.”
“That’s not a leak,” said the lord, “it’s a tear.”
“What’s the tear for?” asked the angel.
“It’s for bottled-up emotions, for fallen comrades, for commitment to that funny piece of cloth called the flag, for justice, for the family without its father.”
“You’re a genius,” said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. “I didn’t put it there.”