Old cashiers never die, they just check out.

Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.

Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.

Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.

Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.

Old printers never die, they’re just not the type.

Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.

Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.

Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.

Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class.

Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.

Old owls never die, they just don’t give a hoot.

Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.

Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.

Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.

Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.

Old professors never die, they just lose their class.

Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.

Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.

Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.

Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.

Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.

Old musicians never die, they just get played out.

Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.

Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.

Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.

Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.

Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.

Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.

Old investors never die, they just roll over.

Old actors never die, they just drop apart.

Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.

Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.

Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.

Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor….

Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.

Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.

Old students never die, they just get degraded.

Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.

Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.

Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

Old garagemen never die, they just retire.

Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.

Posted in Humor, Jokes, Life Secrets

Wisdom Tooth

A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot.
“No way, no needles! I hate needles!”, the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrogenous oxide tank, and the man said, “I can’t do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!
The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill.
“No,” he says, “I’m fine with pills.”
So the dentist gave him two little blue pills and he swallowed them.
“What are those?” He asked.
“Viagra,” she replied.
“I’ll be darned,” said the patient,
“I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer.”
“It doesn’t,” said the dentist,
“But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.”

Posted in Humor, Jokes

Very Clever Words

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living
8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist
9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does
10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money
11. MISTY: How golfers create divots
12. PARADOX: Two physicians!!
13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm
15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with
16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV!!
17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring
18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife
19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does
20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official

Posted in Humor, Jokes

Facebook For Seniors

For those of the older generation (like me) who do not really comprehend the need for Facebook:

Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.
Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before, and what I will do tomorrow.
Then, I give them pictures of my family, my dog, me gardening, and spending time in my pool. I also listen to their conversations, and I tell them I love them.
And, it works.
I already have three persons following me … two police officers and a psychiatrist.

Posted in Humor, Jokes

Why Teachers Quit

The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

Q. Name the four seasons.
A… Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed?
A.. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A.. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q… What happens to your body as you age?
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A.. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A… Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A… When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A.. Keep it in the cow.

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised? (e.g. The abdomen)
A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs
and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U

Q. What is the fibula?
A.. A small lie

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A.. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A.. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

What is a turbine?
A.. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

Posted in Humor, Jokes


Today’s word is : Fluctuations
I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was very irritated
She asked the teller :
Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen
Today I on’y get hunat eighty.
Why it change?
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.”
The Asian lady says
Fluc you white people too

Posted in Humor, Jokes


A Pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor’s family expanded so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to
discuss the pastor’s expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued,
as to how much the pastor’s additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke,
“Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.”
Silence fell over the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice,
“Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.”

The entire congregation said,”Amen.”

Posted in Humor