Why Teachers Quit

The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

Q. Name the four seasons.
A… Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed?
A.. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A.. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q… What happens to your body as you age?
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A.. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A… Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A… When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A.. Keep it in the cow.

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised? (e.g. The abdomen)
A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs
and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U

Q. What is the fibula?
A.. A small lie

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A.. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A.. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q.
What is a turbine?
A.. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

Posted in Humor, Jokes

Fluctuations

Today’s word is : Fluctuations
I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was very irritated
She asked the teller :
Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen
Today I on’y get hunat eighty.
Why it change?
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.”
The Asian lady says
Fluc you white people too

Posted in Humor, Jokes

Congregation

A Pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor’s family expanded so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to
discuss the pastor’s expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued,
as to how much the pastor’s additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke,
“Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.”
Silence fell over the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice,
“Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.”

The entire congregation said,”Amen.”

Posted in Humor

Smooth Talker

Boudreaux, the smoothest talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty.
His first assignment was in a military induction center, and because he was a good talker they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

The officer in charge soon noticed that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance.
This was remarkable because it cost these low-income recruits $30 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge.

The officer decided he’d sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux’s sales pitch.

Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, “If you has da normal GI insurance and you goes to Afghanistan and gets youself killed, da governmen’ pays you benefishery $20,000.
If you takes out da supplemental insurans, which cost you only tirty dollars a munt, den da governmen gots to pay you benefishery $400,000!”

“Now,” Boudreaux concluded, “which folks do you tink dey gonna send to Afghanistan first?”

Posted in Humor

Medical Distinction between Guts and Balls.

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.
We’ve all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS – Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask:
‘Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?

BALLS – Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume & beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: ‘You’re next, Chubby.’

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking there is No difference in the outcome.

Both are fatal.

Posted in Humor, Jokes

A Good Nurse

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well, however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn’t told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily — if at all.

Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence:
“Get well soon, from the nurse in the Ford Explorer you pulled over last week”

Posted in Humor, Jokes

Cowboy

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender:
‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
‘Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy…. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five
times.’

Posted in Humor, Jokes